I was having my usual "down" after coming back home from being away for more than a day. It happens everytime I go out of town like clockwork well except my retreat in Temple but something is different about that. Yet it usually hits right away but this time it took a few days. And it seems a lot of issues hit at the same moment.
I'll be good to go for a while I'm sure. Dave says to me, "go to New York." And I have to reply that I can't because I have to work tomorrow. hahaha. He then tells me to go when school is out then. Just go do whatever I need to do to find happiness.
I regret everyday that we moved back to Texas after he got out of the Army. Okay well that isn't totally true. I moved here for the kids. I wanted them to have family around and feel it the way I did growing up. And at the time it was a blessing that we moved here with all that hit us at one time. But now I'm ready to go somewhere else to live. Will I firmly plant my feet on the ground there as well and be happy with it? I don't know.
Maybe I was made to be a roamer, a traveler of the world. I did joke about becoming a traveling carpet salesman. But different time period so I guess that doesn't work.
What helped me land for the moment? Erik came home from school and while I was cooking I just listened to him talk over and over while playing video games. It made me smile to myself and even laugh. He says "hello guv'nah" in his cute little accent. He loves to say that and always has to add the accent on as well so that was a start to making me smile. Then he would occasionally sing lyrics to a song that I had "left behind" when I stopped listening.
It's called Ocean Sized. I love that song because it brings me to another place. And it brings out a lot of feelings.
What else has happened in two days to bring me through the ups and downs?
I'm getting old. Dave made sure to tell me that I was aging well even though I'm old!!! I mean seriously. LOL.
And let's see......realization has set in that in approx. 1 year and 2months Anthony will be 18 years old. Seriously 18!!! I could cry! I don't think I'm old enough to have a son that age. Remind me I'm not old.
Also I saw a picture of myself from over the weekend. The lady that gave me the $40 haircut really did as bad as I thought. All it takes is a picture of yourself to see how pitiful you can be. I saw where the weight has come on me. Every since this Summer when I had the IV steroids (solumedrol) I have been steadily gaining. My new goal is to lose at least 25lbs by June. Why June? Because I have to be able to feel good about myself and wear shorts, dresses, yet skipping bikinis. I want to be able to enjoy my weight and the Summer. So far I've lost 6lbs since Friday.
Well now to decide if I want to leave when school is out for a few days in June and where I am off to go by MYSELF. A nice hotel with a nice hottub sounds good (and maybe a bottle of wine) but no one saw that part since I don't drink. :) Or maybe I'll save my time away for the next CHA, been wanting to go and think it would be interesting.
Well enough for now. I had the day off work to take my last teacher's certification test and should know the results next week!
2 comments:
Dave sounds like a keeper...he loves you enough to let you find yourself...that is very rare. That is the way to a successful marriage though, allowing each other to grow and change with time. I know, I have a keeper too.
Hugs!
Laura
I think it is natural to feel that way. Our kids do seem to bring us back. Hope you get a chance to find that hot tub and invisible wine.
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