Addiction to finding more hurt, less emphasis on real healing.

This thought had a title all in my mind an hour ago and since it has left.

So I've come up with something way less witty than I know I had before. grrr.

But it's about pain, not physical pain but more emotional pain.

I think some people "need" to continue to put themselves through emotional pain in certain situations.

They feel by doing this they will find a rhyme or a reason to why they are feeling the pain to begin with. They may even know why they feel it yet they need more. They need to know more.

They search deeper and into places where they know they will find things and know that those things won't solve anything for them at all. Instead they just force themself deeper into the pain they want to go away.

The more you learn, the more you ask, the more you feel; causes more pain.

How do I know this?

I am guilty of this myself?

There have been things that have hurt me. And instead of just trying to deal with them like the supposed smart person I am, I go and try to delve further into whatever I can to find more information knowing in the back of my mind that instead most likely I will find more to hurt me.

It's like all logic that was ever in me went out the door.

I can't even fathom being logical at that moment; I'm in too much pain.

I'll find something that will either hurt me more or I'll find nothing else at all which will make me more angry because I "know/feel" that there is something out there I am missing.

The truth is there is probably nothing else to miss.

You just want to find a way to solve what is going on in your head.

You're seeking every which way.

And the ways in which you are doing it are leading no where.

Read emails, ask questions, send emails, make phone calls, or be just out right someone you are not.

None of these things will heal you.

Time is the only thing that can help you heal.

Maybe help of counseling but in the end you need time.

I learned the biggest mistakes.

Ask questions. Want completely honest answers. (Ouch)

Email the other person/people. What an idiot I looked like? (Now I only know in hindsight)

Call. (Found out the truth but it didn't set me free, again didn't really gain.)

This isn't just a message for me.

I am truly over the wrong done to me.

I still didn't learn all the lessons I listed above.

I hope if I'm ever in certain situations I can come back to this blog and be reminded of what really matters at the moment: ME.

Knowing everything doesn't make anything feel better.

You can work it in your head a hundred different ways.

Picture a million scenarios and all you will do is hurt yourself.

Find a place to find peace with yourself.

Then figure out if you can find peace with the other person who has wronged you.

If not, walk away. You deserve that.

If you think it's worth a try. Then work through the hard issues and learn to retrain your mind to not bring up scenarios to one another all the time. Learn to get help to make it together.

Do what YOU have to do to make YOU survive and be happy!

And don't make a quick decision, do it with ease and not only with your heart but also your mind.