Me, Music, Swim Team, Weight, and More.....

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I like to show off creative stuff on my blog but I also like to just write.
I find it just helps me, helps me do what?
I'm not sure, maybe think and figure things out.

I will first post a song that I listened to tonight while waiting in the drive thru at Whataburger.

I was in the car thinking how and if I have changed in the past 13 years since knowing my husband and being married.

I realized that he was what calmed me and made me a stable person, a person who I could like and love and not be ashamed of the person I am.

I can't always say that has been that way.

Before him I didn't have a calmer.

I have always been very spur of the moment.

I would go to dinner on my birthday and come home with a navel piercing. (True Story)

I did take it out though within a few months.

But I've been that person, the person who just does something spontaneously and without much thought.

I even have to admit getting married was sort of like that yet I loved and still do love my husband.

I knew some of the reasoning for the things I would do but they never were good excuses. And I've learned new things that explain me even better and show I have to be more conscious of my decisions than maybe a "normal" person.

Whatever normal may be.

I met my husband in a chatroom.

We weren't online looking for love, romance, or any of that.

It was an Army chat room.

I went into the chatroom to ask some questions because I was about to join the National Guard.

I went in there to ask some questions so I could be better informed.

Before I knew it we were chatting every evening.

Then we started talking on the phone.

Approximately 3 months later, not too long after Christmas he was sent to S. Korea for a year and I thought well this is the best time ever to break all communication from me seeing as he'll be in another country.

Yet, once he got there and settled he began to call me and write.

We would talk to each other for hours. It would be his night time and usually my morning.

Then he got approved for leave to come back to the States in July for leave.

We decided we would meet up in Montana which is where he is from, this was 9 months after we met on the internet and we were already talking about marriage even though we had never met in person before.

Well I made my flight plans and flew to Montana to meet him.

We already had it planned that we would just stay in the same hotel room.

Now seriously, how lucky was I?

He could've been a mass murderer! Thank God he was normal. :)

But there went me and my lack of really thinking before doing and I just happened to get lucky.

I know that this isn't something that always happens.

Within four days we were at the court house getting married.

You can't say you really know someone without dating, courting, etc.

I learned this AFTER being married and living together. LOL.

It was a whole new experience.

See my impulsiveness?

It started way before this, just never realized it.

We spent two weeks together in Montana then I flew back home.

He went to Washington State to be with his friends and I back home to be with my son.

Then it was back to S. Korea for him for 6 months.

After 6 months he flew to Texas, met my family, packed my son and I up and we left for Colorado for his new duty station.

We didn't live together until we were married 6 months and boy was that a shocker for us.

I noticed though he is what calmed me, changed me, and made me a person I could again like and live with.

I had my ups and downs there. Sometimes depressed because I was away from "home" and I didn't drive and other times loved the beauty of it there.

We have since moved to Texas after he got out and have been here since 2002.

I feel now after 12 years of marriage I can see though through the years where I lost the "calm" but it was never major.

This year I lost it to the point of knowing yet at the same time now know what adds to my impulsiveness and know what makes me think the way I do.

My hardest ordeal now is to continue to control the impulsiveness that has been under control for quite sometime. You can see it in my spending as well. My binge spending that gets totally out of control.

Other things about me:

Weight

I have a weight obsession. I haven't always been that way.

When I got married I weighed all of 101 lbs. so weight wasn't an issue.

But as the years have past the weight has come on and I'm not that tiny too underweight of a person.

I did always for some reason think my thighs were fat but otherwise was fine.

But now weight is something I think about every single day of my life.

I think some of it has to do with my dad's side of the family having serious weight issues and not wanting to have to battle that.

That is why I have been working so hard to lose.

I left one school subbing to go to student teaching and I had students at first who would ask me if I was pregnant and I knew then that I was "fat."

Since then I've lost 19lbs but feel everytime I eat a burger or something bad that it's all going to fly back on. Sort of like tonight where my kids decided to leave for the night so I ran out and just grabbed something.

Usually I would probably honestly just skip eating, totally forget about it.

Next week I plan on starting back on a two week diet to jump start weight loss again. I realized I won't finish the complete two weeks since I'll be leaving to go out of town before then but it will be close enough.

Next:

Swim Team

Today was Erik's first real swim meet. Luckily it wasn't too hot out.

He did pretty well and I'm proud as usual.

But I will say as the Summer goes on it is going to get downright hot.

I wish I would've taken a picture of his back but I was too exhausted.

His team is the dolphins and he had a dolphin drawn on his back along with his name and the saying "Eat my bubbles"

My camera isn't working the best anymore, it won't let me choose a lot of options and I'm not sure why. I think it's time for a new one but my next one is going to be costly so it'll be a while.

I'Il have to make due but I hate that I can't choose whether I want the flash on or off or have the zoom just right to where it won't ruin the picture. That's what you get I guess.

Well both of the boys are gone for the night. Anthony went to spend the night at my aunt's house and Erik at friend's house. Dave is at work til the morning. So it's just me home alone catching up on some tv shows and soon off to bed because even though I had an extra long nap I am super exhausted.